i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
