She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
