I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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