I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
