All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There r osticjed everywhere
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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