He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
