I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it's like iHOP with fire
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
