we're blogging at a bar
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
