U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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