i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
