I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
