Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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