help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
