I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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