32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
