My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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