my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
