I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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