If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
