worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
