ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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