Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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