Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
