so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
