Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
