Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
