i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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