i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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