one word: firstdatebathroomanal
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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