My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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