I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
