Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
