I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
