I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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