hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
