brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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