By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
