I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
