i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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