His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
