do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
