We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
