My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
