I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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