He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
