Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
