Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
