Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
