I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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