oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
